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It’s been such a long time since I felt like I could write anything. I don’t necessarily feel like I can write something today, but I decided that doesn’t matter. Today’s the day.

There’s a million reasons for the long silence – I’ve been busy, I haven’t been busy enough, I can’t get into a routine, I don’t know what to say, I don’t want to talk about struggling with depression and basically I’m struggling with depression.

But I think the biggest one is that I realized I am out of wisdom on how to engage with the moment. It seems like something has shifted significantly in what is happening with our government. Last year, it felt like minute to minute survival, but at the same time, it seemed like the definitive thing to end DJT’s government could happen at any moment.

This year, this month, today, it feels like we are really in it for the long haul. And what DJR could do is no longer the fear. Now it is the reality of what he is doing. The rampant deportations. Separating kids from parents at the border. The new rule that guts planned parenthood. State legislatures mimicking the national politics with their own initiatives – like the (currently held up in the courts) Iowa abortion law that would make abortion illegal after only 6 weeks. Many women don’t even know they’re pregnant at 6 weeks. It effectively eliminates abortion as an option for most women.

The Supreme Court decision that guts worker power. Currently waiting on a second SC decision that will be devastating to unions that represent government employees.

It is happening. Trump’s America is here and it is ugly and brutal and there is no end in sight.

I’ve been thinking about what I can be thankful for right now. For one thing, I am thankful that (I think) (finally) I’m seeing our America for what it really is. And I can’t say I’ve ever been particularly naïve about the deep roots of racism and misogyny in our country. But I never understood how much those roots are responsible for who we are now. Black America is like – where have you been? We’ve been saying this forever. And I am like – yup. I get it. I see what you mean. And I’m sorry I wasn’t here for it before, but I’m here for it now.

There’s no way to build a fair and just country on the illusion of justice. Now that many people are seeing for the first time how unfair and unequal our country is, there’s a chance to build something more powerfully just. More real. More beautiful than what is lost.

As always, the yoga sutras are very helpful on this point. They lay out nine obstacles to making progress on the spiritual path – obstacles that are also relevant to the struggle for justice. Wrong knowledge – or living with delusion – is one of them. You can't build the new beautiful just world as long as you are living under the delusion that the world behind us - the Obama years included - were beautiful and just. To build real justice, we have to be willing to see what is real and start with a completely new foundation - something that doesn't accept forced labor, the brutality of African slavery, genocide and misogyny as its starting point. 

There are a series of antidotes that help overcome all of the obstacles, adherence to single-minded effort maybe chief among them.

You know what else helps though? Cultivating compassion, loving kindness, joy and detachment.

So that’s two very big, very meaningful, very important guidelines for how to approach this time. Be singleminded about the quest for real justice, but also cultivate these attitudes of mind.

As I have struggled with not being able to write lately, I went into a long reflection about why I’m writing this blog. And the ultimate answer, I think, is that I’m writing it because it helps me mark the signposts of my own path, helps me chart out the journey of how I am going to survive this time with my mental and physical health intact. That feels important enough to just keep writing, even when I feel like I honestly don’t know what to say. None of has anything offer right now except our best effort, our humble acknowledgement that this feels new and terrifying, and our willingness to dig in and get our hands dirty to make something different happen.

I hope you are finding your own signposts right now, and that there is comfort for your mind and soul, but not comfort that ties into delusion. We can’t afford that right now.

With love, gratitude and solidarity forever.

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