Revisiting Sauca

At the beginning of the year, I felt a strong motivation to focus on cleanliness, sauca, in all it’s different forms. To me, that meant changing my diet, giving up alcohol, and attending to how I let DJT-related news condition my brain. I also unsubscribed from most of the daily emails I receive inviting me to buy stuff. (If I need something, I can go buy it, but I don’t need emails to suggest consumerism to me when it isn’t arising from my daily life).

All of these practices have affected me in very dramatic ways. Firstly, just because by doing them I receive daily, even hourly, reminders of my intention to live better. Every time I eat I have to make a choice whether to honor my intentions or not, and making that choice reinforces my connection to better living. There's also a feeling of greater control at a time when so much feels out of control. And eating better, and not drinking, also mean sleeping better and feeling better on a deeper level. It’s been great actually.

This year’s experience of doing the Whole30 was very different from my previous experiences. Last year, for example, by day 30 I felt like I was chomping at the bit to eat something different. On day 31, I had two margaritas and cheese enchiladas at lunch, and then pizza and wine at dinner. It was like all my desires had been building up behind a gate, and once the gate was open they just came flooding out. This year, I approached the whole exercise really differently. For one thing, I modified the Whole30 to make it more sustainable for me. I brought snacks everywhere with me, so I would never feel deprived. Whereas last year I avoided socializing because I didn’t want to be tempted, this year I just figured I’d be able to find something to eat on any menu, even while travelling. And that turned out to be true. As a result, when the 30 days were up, I didn’t really want to go back to my old ways of eating. I felt liberated from the need for chocolate and diet soda every day. It’s like the sugar and junk-food addictions just fell away, no longer tempting me to go back into them.

So Mo and I have mostly stayed on it, with maybe one meal a week where we deviate. The first weekend we were going off the diet, we talked about all the things we might eat, and then in the end we just had a baguette with butter alongside our lentil soup. Pretty tame!

As I have had this experience, I’ve also noticed how much there is in the Bhagavad Gita and the yoga sutras about food! About how we eat, how we show hospitality, how we think about food in relation to the rest of our lives. It makes sense – food is both essential to live and also a very integral part of our social system. But I don’t know if I would’ve noticed it if I hadn’t been working through my own food situation.

Chapter 3 of the Bhagavad Gita introduces the idea of the cessation of desires. The needs subside not because of being suppressed, but because of taking the right action (primarily, disconnecting from sense objects). Verse 3.5 in the commentary I’m reading by Swami Satchidananda includes this explanation: …Gradually, when you’re ripe enough in your wisdom, you just drop away [from material desires]. [They] won’t affect you anymore.

In contrast, you can give things up, but still strain against that boundary. So giving things up, in and of itself, isn’t enough. The true test is whether you can embrace restraint, not fight against it. Verse 3.6 expounds upon this idea directly in relation to food.

Whoever stills the body as if seated in meditation, but mentally continues to think about sense objects, is deluded and a hypocrite. (BG 3.6)

The point of this verse is that HOW you approach things matters. It is not just to do them but to do them with a certain attitude of mind. In the commentary I’m reading, Swami Satchidananda gives an example related to food:

Many times we think, “I’m fasting. I’m not going to eat anything today. But what about tomorrow morning? What shall I eat then?” Physically we may not be eating, but mentally we are. An action is evaluated by its motive, not by the action itself.

I feel like I’m getting a small glimpse of the desires fading away; not being actively suppressed, just diminishing. It’s a good feeling. But I also recognize that at some point, the true culmination of diminishment allows a more relaxed attitude about the whole thing. Right now I don't want to disturb the sense of equilibrium I have around food. I feel like I can't consume sugar, wheat, dairy or alcohol without re-attaching to them. But needing to NOT have them feels as attached as needing to HAVE them. The real culmination would mean that it doesn't matter if I have it or not - I'm not attached to it, but it doesn't disturb me. 

I’m mindful of that especially right now because I’m staying with my sister, helping take care of my nieces after she had her gall-bladder out. And I notice how my food needs have the potential to cause her family additional trouble. I think I’m managing it okay, but it is pretty clear that needing to have NONE of those kinds of foods can’t be the true aim. It is to mostly not have them, but not be disturbed if I do. More work to do.

In other areas of my life, the sauca has yet to take hold. Too much time surfing the internet looking for news of DJT’s latest statements or actions! Too much internet shopping! Too much relying on sense objects. I feel like the next frontier is to try to designate a day a week to stay off the internet completely. Sunday would be the right day. I’ll keep you posted on that.

Love, gratitude and solidarity to all.