2018: Non-Violence in Word, Thought and Deed

Wow it has been a very interesting couple of months in my world. I left my job at the end of October and I’ve been learning a lot about how much I depended on it for structure, for feeling valid and important, and for filling up my time with tasks. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster learning how to deal with unstructured time. I’m starting to get better at creating a rhythm to my day and being busy enough without overscheduling. I’m working about half-time, which feels like the right thing for right now. I can’t do this forever (financially), but I appreciate having the break and I can feel my energy and interests gathering themselves together in preparation for whatever is the next big project. I recognize what a huge privilege it is to be in this state, knowing all the people around me who would love to have this kind of break. But it hasn’t been entirely pleasurable. I’m just working on the discomfort and trying not to overschedule to avoid it.

Meanwhile, I’ve been so happy for the time to really invest in my yoga practice.

In 2017 I had two areas of focus – practicing sauca or cleanliness, and studying the Baghavad Gita. I am amazed at how those two things helped me cope with the mental, emotional and political challenges of the year. Against the backdrop of everything that played out in the wider world and in my little world, I felt a constant sense of purpose. Reading the Baghavad Gita grounded day-to-day struggles in my spiritual reality.  Not drinking, but working in a world where people drink a lot, I had a very regular invitation to choose abstention. Unlike past intervals where I’ve given up alcohol for a month or two, I didn’t feel deprived and I didn’t strain to endure it. I didn’t think about the glorious day when I would have a beer or a glass of wine. Instead, a kind of restraint developed inside me where I didn’t want it anymore. I don’t want to say I’ll never drink again – I don’t judge it, I don’t think it is bad, and I don’t want to set up a constraint to fight against. But I don’t feel like drinking now and as long as I feel that way, I’m going to continue. It actually feels very powerful, and physically, it is helping me sleep better and have more energy.

(I was less successful in 2017 at maintaining a healthy diet and exercise plan and managing my obsessive consumption of the news. But I know that making the effort helps, and somehow I ended up the year in a really good place in both of those areas.)

For 2018, I’ve decided to focus on ahimsa – non-violence. It feels like the most important thing to do right now, given all the violence in thought and word and action in the world around us. I want to focus on non-violence because of the violence of racism, poverty and inequality.  Because of the violence of every single utterance from DJT. Because the policies playing out before us are increasing violence. But also because of the violence I have inside of me – the tendency to judge, be cynical, think I know better than other people how they should behave, which is a kind of violence. The tendency to think ill of others, or be critical of them. And I also want to focus on ahimsa in relation to our planet. I want to reduce my carbon footprint, stop using so much plastic and make time and effort to reduce consumption overall.

I have a couple of specific projects to give shape to this intention. I’m training to teach yoga to people dealing with trauma, in preparation to start teaching yoga in the Milwaukee County jail. It is overwhelming me a little bit and I can see that I have a lot to learn. But I’m excited to make the yoga that has helped me so much more accessible to people who need it. The training is challenging me to think about how I teach, the power dynamics of the class, and how to practice and teach for inner healing and not for praise or accomplishment. I’m eager for whatever internal transformation I have to undergo to take this on.

I also plan to seriously minimize the use of plastic in my home. When I set this intention at the beginning of the year, I was mostly thinking about getting better at the obvious stuff – bringing my own grocery bags to the store, bringing my own water bottle everywhere. But now that I’m researching it and seeking out alternatives to plastic – I see plastic everywhere I look. Hygiene products, cleaning supplies. The food I buy. Pet stuff. It’s going to take the whole year to look at all the areas of my life where there’s too much plastic and learn how to choose alternatives. A fun learning experience and something that will definitely give shape and structure to the coming year.

One great thing about focusing on ahimsa is the provocation to really study the relevant sutras. There’s actually a pretty lengthy passage in the sutras about non violence and the commentary in the Edwin Bryant translation is incredibly rich. So I want to take my time working through them. For today, just this one gem:

11.35 When non-violence in speech, thought and action is established, one’s aggressive nature is relinquished and others abandon hostility in one’s presence.

What more worthy project than that?

If you’re on this journey with me, know how much I appreciate you and whatever you are focusing on in 2018.

With love, gratitude and solidarity forever.